Hata CSN May 8, 2009

I forgot to mention one of the best parts of that trip I last wrote about. I got my mum’s very old, very broken bag replaced, for completely free. The handle broke on the way and it got replaced with a much better bag on the spot. How great is that!  I wasn’t even that bothered about the handle breaking, but the sister”in-law” being so mother-like she convinced me to do it. So I got a pleasant surprise. Haha. Service like that is irreplaceable.

I just noticed it when I was cleaning up (much love to the Bear for being such an understanding boyfriend and waiting so patiently for me to do my part of the homely chores!)

Other than that, I changed my decision in my CSN (aka student loan) dilemma i had a couple of months ago. (I’m not allowed to make above a certain amount of money while I’m taking a student loan). I had a while ago decided that I was just going to take the chance and work less over the summer so I don’t go above the max. The last few weeks ago though, I’ve realized that there’s no way I’m going to manage that low income! So, after having a discussion with a classmate of all the things that annoy us (CSN, social democrats – aka Swedish socialist party – and the low standard of education in our socionomy course) I decided I’ve had enough trying to reconsider both my economy and CSN at the same time since that is an obvious impossibility and decided to make the money, since economic freedom comes higher than trying to make sense of a system that’s done a great job of hustling students for a long time.

To put it simply as possible:
There’s two parts of the student “wage”. A kind of “free” part that one can get despite how much one makes and doesn’t have to be paid back to CSN, and a loan where each individual can pretty much choose how high or low of a loan they want (within limits) for a maximum of 240 study weeks. This loan one starts paying back as soon one makes enough money according to CSN. That part all makes sense, right? So, let’s add on a little bit of information that I think can make sense of to some degree.

Depending on how much of a loan one takes there’s also a maximum amount of money one can make on the side.  Also, if I should only take the first part of the student “wage” which is “free” then I’m allowed to make as much as I want and I don’t have to pay that little sum back. Now to the tricky part:

I decide how much loan I want to take out, so I’ve got the crazy idea in my head that then it should also be up to me how much money I want to make on the side. I’m thinkin’ that if I’m encouraged to work, and on top of that enjoy working, there’s a better chance that I’ll be able to pay that loan back right? But no. I’m not allowed to make more money than what CSN has decided is a good amount for us student. Decrease the loan and I can make more money but with a sum total that still wouldn’t be that much higher than if I worked less and had a higher loan. I get that it’s all tax money and thus should not be abused, but how is me wanting to make money and paying taxes bad for business, or even better (worse), bad in the world of taxes?

…The hustling doesn’t end there. If I should make more money than the loan allows I have to pay CSN that extra amount I’ve made at a later point. How the hell did they get the rights to the money that I made, on my own, without their help?

Oh, and remember that first part of the CSN that’s kind of “free”? As I mentioned earlier I can make as much as I want by only getting that part of the student “wage” without having to pay back at some point. But, if god forbid, I take out a loan as well and make too much money? Then I have to, for some reason I have yet to figure out, (and I don’t think everyone knows this) pay a part of that “free” sum back as well. Eh? What?!

I can to some degree understand that one shouldn’t get this part if one doesn’t need it… But does it make sense that I have to pay that part back only if I also take a loan? Is the idea that by then I’m not supposed to know how much they’re asking for me to pay back so they may as well add on a little from something that’s supposed to be “free”?

I’ve actually sat with a poor telefonservice woman at CSN to try and get some sense out of this but ended up hanging up the phone more confused than ever.

I finally understand why so many dislike CSN!

Bitter kisses to all.

Rituals to Welcome Spring April 30, 2009

During winter I have everything I need in my jacket. When I put on my jacket before leaving the apartment, I automatically have everything I need. I’ve never been a purse kind of girl so now the only thing reminding me that I need my keys, is the fact that I need to lock the door after me. (Morning process: walk out the door, close the door, realize I’ve forgotten my keys. Go back into the apartment, get the keys and try again.) This morning my dear Bear waved me off by the door, and thus my little morning ritual never took place and I forgot my keys.

It’s all part of the spring process for me. I don’t think I’ll forget it again… atleast not until next year when I again have to get used to not having everything in my jacket.

I welcome you Spring.

Sweet kisses to all.

It’s a Good Day (Yay) April 29, 2009

First day this year I’ve gone to work without a jacket so summer is here for sure. Yay!

Tomorrow is the last day of the month and the last day of work for the week. Yay!

I’m madly in love with my boyfriend and I love being me. Yay!

 

Sweet kisses to all.

Friends Are Good to Have April 27, 2009

First of all, I have such a hard time trusting friends. I think I’ve written about it once before that to me, boyfriends have very often lasted longer than tight friendships that I meet often. Don’t get me wrong; I have good friends. Amazing and wonderful friends whom I know I can rely on if I only dare to, who’ve been around for half my life. Maybe it’s because of them (and the Bear and my two dear kittens) that I don’t feel alone here in Helsingborg, despite not feeling like I have friends I can completely rely on here. I do have three friends whom I treasure, but I’m always a little unsure of how stable they are. One’s been in India for the past few months (coming back in a couple of weeks) and one’s in Denmark.

The third came back last week. Now, before I continue, you have to understand, I love her and the fact that there’s so much drive in her. She says her mind and we don’t always agree but that just gives for interesting discussions. She, like the other two have a strength I love to surround myself with. Despite all this, I was so nervous about meeting her today. My solitary bubble consisting of the Bear, the cats and myself got popped and I realised I all of sudden had to consider someone else other than the three creatures I live with. I also realised I’m nervous about meeting my old friends of 15 years in a few weeks up in Stockholm… and meeting up with a very old friend in London a couple of weeks after that. I worry that I’ll make an idiot of myself, that I’ll be a bore and that I’ll disappoint.

You see, I know and understand my dear Bear and two cats.

It was good to meet with Anna though. Friends are, after all, very nice to have. My neurotic soul on the other hand seems to belong to a crazy little hermit who likes to speak to strangers. Good thing I have some friends who break my solitude now and then.

Sweet kisses to all!

P.S. come to think of it, maybe that’s why I like to work so much? It breaks my solitude without having to invite people into my life…

Easter Week April 12, 2009

It’s been a very strange week for me… I’ve ad almost nothing but free time on my hands. Free time from (both) work that is. But there’s been enough to do none the less, as usual, even if I at first was worried about what I’d do with all that extra time.

Monday was spent enjoying the oncoming spring weather with the dear Bear and starving myself for the observation I was to have on Tuesday.

Tuesday I got drugged (very nice!) and observed at the hospital. There they came to the conclusion that I have for two years been misdiagnosed and written out a massive amount of medications for me to take (not so nice). The most annoying about these medicines being that they’re extremely hard to get a hold of. After a few days I finally found a medical store that stocked one of them. The second one though, is finished everywhere, even at the factory that makes them. Very annoying to finally be able to get help for my problem… and yet not. 

Wednesday was spent at work doing what felt like not much at all. By noon I was done and on the way I met a very nice Ugandan girl experiencing her first winter (poor thing) who invited me to come visit her if I were ever to go traveling around Africa which I do hope to do one day. Always good to make connections like these!

Ales Stenar

Thursday the Bear and me went for a Bed & Breakfast in (according to me) the middle of nowhere. I even got the grand tour of the place where the Bear spent the first few years of his life. Very nice. 

On Friday we woke up at 6 a.m. to see something called “Ales Stenar” at dawn. Very beautiful. On the ride home we passed an art gallery and got lunch at the “family-in-laws” to celebrate Easter. 

Yesterday we had a wonderfully pleasant evening at one of the Bears friends and his cat who’re quite the natural hosts. Food, wine, games and a movie. It just doesn’t get much better.

Today I went for a very long walk. In true Forrest Gump form, when I walked as far as I usually do, I just kept walking and then kept walking until I just decided that it was time to go home. Tonight, we’re apparently getting Easter food at a friends place for what I think will turn into another dinner, games and movie evening (no wine this time though).

All in all, I’d say I’ve had a very pleasant week, and we even have one more day off from work for some Easter purpose. (Never learnt these traditions)

…To bad the apprentice work starts as usual after that. Really not looking forward to that.

Kisses to all.

Lost in Thought October 15, 2008

Of course I missed the last day I was supposed to write my positive thoughts. Although the reason was a good one. I was having a good day.

The bear came home and I finally got my schoolbooks so I was busy making up for lost time… with both books and boyfriend.

So, did it help? Beating the negative thoughts to the punch by forcing the positive ones out first, first thing in the morning? I think it actually did. It balanced me out because my morning mood didn’t get so jumbled. I’m nicer at school for example, although I don’t know if that has anything to do with it.

There’s just one, very sad, problem, by not letting myself be able to write a “but” to anything, be cynical or even a slightly negative thought about anything (since that will just get me started), I’ve realized I don’t have anything to write about. My thoughts are what made me feel like I need or want to write, not what I’ve done with my days. How to say this without sounding negative… I’m just not as active as some people are. I’m a thinker more than a doer. I guess that’s the next point to find balance in: self-activity. 

So, for now, I’m going to continue writing down the positive thoughts, first thing in the morning. Just have to figure out where I want to do it? Shall I do it openly, in my blogg for all to read? …Because that’s the only way I’ll be interested in writing them up, knowing myself (I am, after all, a flasher of my soul). Or should I write them in the privacy of my thought-book that hasn’t seen the light of day since I started blogging? …Because lets face it, even I don’t find that stuff so interesting to read. On the other hand, writing in this blogg should be for myself and not for the non-existent mass of readers I have. Heh. 

As I was saying, I’m a thinker. Before you know it, I’ve made a decision though, which I usually don’t share. Funny how to me the thought process is more interesting than the decision.

Anyway, as I decide that, I have to figure out a way to activate myself. Another list perhaps? I am a lister as well after all.

I am truly my own constant project.

Kisses.

Happy Thoughts (day 4) October 11, 2008

Today’s a good day because:

I have a day off to do whatever I please. I’m getting sick so I’m allowed to feel a little sorry for myself and I got an sms from the Bear telling me he misses me (always nice to know that it’s not just me missing him.

Sweet kisses to all!

Good Thoughts (day 2) October 9, 2008

Today’s gonna be a good day because:

I have a day off, I’ve got a loving boyfriend who I’m going out to have dinner with tonight, I have two lovely little cats who were little angels last night and thus let me have a good nights sleep. 

Now, I’m going back to sleep.

Sweet kisses to all.

The Bear and a Cat July 12, 2008

After I wrote the last blogg I was hugely dissapointed and quite frusterated (which for me means that big giant tears start falling and my bear takes the crap for it). None the less, a sign of love: taking the load of me and trying to fix another cat to make me happy. Love you baby.

Sweet kisses to my bear.

Totally depleted! March 28, 2008

It’s friday and I’m giving a big sigh of relief for actually managing this last exam. I had missed to much school that I knew I was in trouble when the exam came. With the exam papers (homeexam) actually in front of me I was almost considering not doing this one and instead studying my ass for the re-take of it. So I procastinated, and procastinted some more, until the second evening (we have three days for the exam) I finally decided to atleast do the once I do. Man, am I glad I did that! After getting over the worst of the panic of not knowing anything I just started the next one and then the next one until by 3 am the day before I’m supposed to hand it in, I had actually answered all the questions and feel that I could maybe pass this exam as well. What a relief. It’s nice to have a boyfriend who tells me how good I am that I can manage anything when I felt the way I did. (Thanks baby) Hehe.

Well, for this next-coming term I should be a better student for sure since the next exam will be the first “real” exam with no books or anything. *yikes*

None the less, I’m off to afrodance the stress out of my body and reenergize!

Kisses to all!