Yay October 13, 2009

When things are good, they’re really very good.

I took it so very easy this weekend that I had no episodes of just staring at the wall feeling completely exhausted so maybe-just-maybe I’m learning to live a little more balanced. I’m learning to put some things aside and take care of them later (instead of packing my days with as many things as possible) and find some time to just take care of my own hobbies a little bit. We’ll see how well that works for the rest of the month though since it’s jammed with things to do and places to be! (Now I just have to figure out how to get about 2 more hours of sleep during the weekdays so I don’t need to crash to get better again. )

I fixed my first sowing project! It was the easiest, and therefor the best thing to start with (sowing in some button holes to make them smaller). Enough to make me want to do do more anyway!

I’ve also started something I recommend to anyone who wants to revaluate their eating habits. In one of my former posts I was feeling quite frusterated because I just couldn’t figure out what was so unhealthy about the way I ate. I have since then started writing down when and what I eat every day… I knew I ate a lot but I got a little shocked when I saw exactly what and how often! This made it all of a sudden much easier to eat better. I’m not on a diet, not really, I’m just a little more thoughtful which is, for now, enough.

Oh crap, time for work.

Sweet kisses to all.

Carl Rogers and I October 4, 2009

My life is great right now. I’m more in love than I’ve ever been, I feel self-actualized, my depression’s been keeping at bay for awhile and I’m looking towards my future with a kind of pleasant curiosity. All of this ofcourse, is a great boost to my self confidence.

There’s just one problem: each time I see a picture of myself I’m dissapointed with what I see. In my head I’m beautiful. In the photos I’m… not.

Carl Rogers believed (in very simplified terms) that that the greater the gap between the “ideal” self and the “real” self are, the more unfillfilled a person is, and this is exactly my problem right now. In most aspects I feel that I’ve been able to get these two parts to coincide but this one thing – my looks – is a real thorn in my side. I just don’t know how to solve it.

Obviously, training and eating healthy is the way to go but what exactly does that mean? The changes don’t exactly take place immediately so how do I know that I’m doing the right thing? Training-wise I’m starting with 2x / week to then make it 3, with a final goal of 4x / week. I don’t know if I’ll manage, but it feels like a somewhat realistic goal. Problem is, I lead such an unactive life (don’t move around enough) that I don’t think this is enough. My food habits has to change as well. This is where my mind gets really jumbled.

The good thing about easing into my training is that because I’m not gifted with the natural love of training and working with the body, I’m not doing more than I feel I can handle. Otherwise there’s a risk that I’m doing it because I’m “supposed” to, because I “have” to and all those other boorish reasons. Not because I enjoy it, or because I feel good doing it. The only way to make it work in the long run is by enjoying it and not overdoing it. I’m thinking (hoping? wishing?) that it’s the same way with food.

I love food. I don’t like making it, but I love eating it and going on some pop-diets is not my thing (even if I’ve made half-hearted attempts at some.) Not allowing myself to eat all the things I enjoy is not a long lasting solution for me. I really believe that as long as one trains or leads an active life, it’s enough with eating healthy though, so that’s ok. But what exactly does it mean to eat healthy? What size does, for example, a healthy portion of food have?

Maybe this is where I should start? Teach myself to eat smaller portions (like 2/3 of my dear Bear’s portion instead of a third more) and then take it from there. I may not become skinny fast doing this but it’s a much more long lasting solution.

Kisses to all.

Perfect Birthday (and it wasn’t even mine) September 27, 2009

What a day! Yesterday (the Bears birthday) was truly a perfect day, all about good company and food. Lots and lots of food. Started the day with breakfast buffé at a nearby hotell with friends (man I wish I could have yoghurt, mixed with fresh fruits, and seeds various kinds for breakfast every day!). Then a late “light” (i.e. two food pies, scones, blueberry pie and some other swedish dessert) lunch with the dear Bears family and finally a pleasant dinner with parent-in laws at the Bears favorite Italian restaurant.

Couldn’t have been better.

Now today, the goal is two things: Invite people over to help us finish up the food we have from yesterday and do some actual homework.

Btw, now that I got my iPhone I though I’d give Twitter a shot. So find me there! (Nickname: nightabove) Still figuring out how it works so need some people to practice with.

Anyway, I’m starting to hype up again so there’s so much stuff I want to write about but there’s so much stuff I want to get done today, so till next time.

Sweet kisses to all you positive people who try to do the best with your situation!

“Life” struggles September 16, 2009

It’s a wonder how many things in life one actually struggles with. So much about life is about being structured and well disciplined.

For example:
I know that waking up at 6 am is the best way to make sure that I’ll have a good day, but it’s not like that’s something the mind and body does willingly without a little discipline.

I know that I feel best when I’m not overeating or eating cookies but because it’s so easy to resort to that when one feels a little empty inside or bored, it (surprise, surprise) takes discipline to not let the Id (for the freudians out there) take over.

I know that the best way to ensure a happy body is to train atleast twice a week, but without the inital interest or motivation to do so, it’s all about the discipline.

These three things are, I think, three very basic things for a happy mind and soul, but if all three craves as much discipline from my side as they apparantly do, where’s the joy in taking care of ones well-being? Because it has to be a little enjoyable, no?

It’s much easier to feel happiness and joy when one’s working towards something, instead of working away from something, after all.

For example:
It’s much easier to wake up early if one feels that more stuff gets done during the day, instead of doing it solely beacause one doesn’t want to have a bad day. It’s much easier to not overeat if… (I don’t know this one, which is probably why I overeat) than just not wanting to get fat. It’s much easier to train because you like the energy it gives you rather than because well, you don’t want to get fat.

The first discipline I can deal with, because there’s always something that needs to get done and there’s the instant satisfaction of getting those morning chores done. The other two… I’m missing the instant satisfactions that make it easier to hold out in the long run! Thus, it’s all about disciplin, and I don’t have enough willpower to hold down more than one discipline.

Anyone got any tips?

Bye Bye Money, Hello Food! July 27, 2009

I’ve truly had some very good days lately. Maybe even perfect. Too bad having good days means spending money. Proving to me yet again that either me or my future husband better make a load of cash each month!

First of all the Helsingborgs festival was really good. Not because of the music (although I did get to listen to Salem al Fakir, who I’ve come to the conclusion I quite like) but because of the food! I love food. Not the kind of really high-end stuff that everyone with good taste is supposed to like, but all the different kinds of junk food that can be made in stands and fast food stores. Yum! I’ve heard from somewhere that sushi is actually considerd fast food in Japan, if this is true, it explains why I like it so much! Festivals and markets are none the less perfect for this kind of stuff!

Despite the fact that I told the Bear that he may as well not make any food that weekend as I was going to gorge myself with all the stuff the festival has to offer, I still didn’t come close to eating all the stuff I was hoping to! Ok, so a lovely lunch/dinner at the step family’s place last saturday didn’t exactly ensure an empty stomach at the festival, but I gave it my best effort. Looking forward to the next years round.

Another thing I love about festival is all the life the town gets. There’s music, smells and sounds pouring out of every corner… And the perfect opportunity it gives to meet up with friends. Lovely.

Then sunday as the town settled into it’s post-festival sunday calm, I had a wonderful day taking it easy, watching movies and fixing with my new sowing machine. Despite a throbbing headache and a sore knee.

Now today, I only worked 3 hours which is a perfect amount for a job one’s starting to dislike and then went on an unplanned shopping spree. I just realized writing this that I supposed to use that money to buy an i phone at the end of the month. Damn it. Heh, oh well.

I also found a very good hairdresser finally!  I have a tradition of letting the hairdresser to do more or less what they want with it to ensure that I get something different, but thus far they’ve been too chicken to actually do anything funky with it. This one loved the challenge and made a loose poney tail and chopped it right off. I love people who face a challenge. And she made an awesome job of it. I’m loving it!

Next month the plan is to colour it pitch black and the month after that to put in pure white extensions in there to funk it up.

Oh! And I finally signed myself up for driving lessons (been waiting for the governments OK that I’m allowed to get them thus far).

…all the money trickling away….

Lovely, most perfect kisses to all!

Sowing Stuff July 24, 2009

So, I unpacked my mum’s old sowing machine. I’ve cleaned it up and gone through the manual with it. I am completely fascinated by all the stuff that can be done with it!

All the stuff it's supposed to hold....

...And there's the stuff it does hold

Ok, so the reverse button is stuck (which I thought I’d try to fix that today) and the “tool box” looks mysteriously empty (which I’m gonna raid the summer house for when I get there next weekend), but so far, it’s all very cool. I really like the fact that it’s my mum’s old sowing machine although I can’t imagine she used it very much!

My brains going into high drive for all the clothes I can finally fix and all the half-interesting things I could give my own Maina touch to as well making things I’ve seen in stores that I love but as I have the opposite body shape as the apparent norm, I can’t wear. (Yes, there’s a risk I’ll end up looking like a hippy) The great stuff it’s all relatively easy stuff… at least it seems like it. My point is… I can’t wait to get started.

The fact that I got about 2000kr more this month than I thought I would, makes it possible for me to put a little money into getting the stuff I want. *awesome*

First of all though, I’m off to jog of the very tasty moose kebab with and deep fried camembert cheese I had last night. (Helsingborgs festival kicked off yesterday). Yay for all the gross sounding yet so yummy foods that gather during this period!  (I thought I’d try and find a crêpe stand that might try and make my very strange cheese and chocolate crêpe.)

Sweet fascinated kisses to the lot of you!

Cooking Queen June 25, 2009

I went from having been very bored the past two days to having so much to do I’ve forgotten to eat. Went training, cleaned the apartment a bit cuz I’m having guests over to make banoffie pie tonight, gone shopping for foods and stuff and then since then basically been in the kitchen attempting to make a vegetarian lasagne. Been a while since I’ve spent this much time in the kitchen! And I still have a banoffie pie to make! …Atleast that craves no cooking, baking or frying.

I usually make a killer lasagna but that with the beloved meat. And qourn is scary because I’m not sure how it’s to be handled. I hate cooking enough as it is, so I don’t want to make it even less fun. Thus, I whipped out another lasagne that seemed cheap to make and made an effort.

The thing is, I get so stressed from cooking that my dear Bear knew to leave me alone when he got home from work. The most attention I got being a quick kiss before he left to go training. (Got to love an understanding boyfriend!) The stress of it all has given me a sense of achievment though which is a nice feeling, even if I realized after putting the lasagna into the oven that I’d forgotten an ingredient. Oh well! At least I did my best. I hope it at least deserves a white lie of how good it was from the guests! I don’t after all want my stressful food being critisized. Any kind of critisizm over my food keeps me away from either the kitchen  for awhile of that course for almost forever.

I know, I’m all drama.

Sweet kisses to all!

 

Life is Good! June 1, 2009

(I’ve got a cat behind my laptop as I write this, and all I can see it is a furry stomach and a pair of curled up paws. Adorable.)

My parents have been in town for 3 nights and I have to say that it was one of the most pleasant stay overs I’ve experienced with them. For one, my mom was in a good mood, which was a first for her while in Helsingborg!

Other reasons? The apartment is as clean as it can be and we’ve eaten good food throughout the weekend. 

Friday: 
Ribs 
Halloumi salad

Saturday:
Mum’s lamb *yum!*

Restaurant food, where the quality of the food and company was as high as the price that came along with it. *Poor dad*

Sunday:
Bears tandoori chicken and best potato salad ever! Why? Because it was the first one I’ve tasted without any of that awful dill! 

Caesar salad a’la Maina

Monday:
Bears home made meatballs – always a winner.

…Can’t get much better.

On top of that my parents have a wonderful habit of giving us the monetary means to refill our fridge and freezer to our taste when they visit, so more good food to come!

I got to see a completely new side of my mother-in-law on Saturday as well. I got to meet a very relaxed and happy woman who could kick back once the responsibilities were of her shoulders. Wonderful to see.

I even got my first summer sunbathing done!

Now, I just need to sit down, get started, and send off my final paper for this term so the Bear and I can fly to London next weekend with a clear conscience! (Good thing my parents have done such a god job of scaring our cats half to death all weekend that they’re now quietly recuperating.

Sweet kisses to all!

Lovely Sunday May 10, 2009

Lovely chicken wings at Bishops Arms and Star Trek. I couldn’t have asked for a better sunday!

Sweet kisses to all!

Everywhere There is Food! April 7, 2009

Going to the hospital for observation tomorrow. For that purpose, I’ve for the past week had a pretty easy diet to stick to. Today though, I’m been allowed to eat anything, so by the time the observation takes place it’s going to have been 46 hours since eating anything. I have although cheated a little bit not so long ago by having taken a powder soup filtered of any chunky bits ). My dear Bear has thus promised to make sure I have a pizza waiting for me when I get home.

Food!

Kisses to all!