Jantelagen = the swedish unwritten rule that one shouldn’t stick out of the crowd and think one’s better than others in any way or form.
1) Thou shallt not think you are anything
2) You shall not think you are as good as us
3) You shall not think you are as wise as us
4) You shall not think you are better than us
5) You shall not think you know more than us
6) You shall not think you are better than us
7) You shall not think you are adequate at anything
You shall not laught at us
9) You shall no think anyone cares about you
10) You shall not think you can teach us anything
(wikipedia)
Me and the bear went to the theater yesterday. “Camping” it was called. I think I’ve now been to a total of three plays (and been on stage twice), which is nothing, but I have yet to sit and yawn of boredom at one. So what did I think of this one? Act one: very good. I don’t laugh out loud at obvious jokes on TV, books or on stage very often but once in awhile it happens and during the first act that little miracle did happen.
After a big discussion back and forth if we should go or not, I was quite glad we had. But then, by act 2, it turned into dissapointment. By the end of the play I felt that the director was trying to enforce the “jantelag” on to the public. In the end the moral had been; “I’ve destroyed a 20-year old friendship by thinking that I could help them now that I’m doing so well”.
My parents had always enforced me to be proud of my achievements and let others enjoy from my welfare, as well as letting others enjoy theirs (although that can of course be much harder to stomach sometimes *wink*). I knew that the so called “jantelag” was a well known fact of the swedish culture, but what I hadn’t realized what that it had such a intricately active part of the society.
What a strange country to have built ones way of thinking on something as inauspicious as thus. But it also makes me so proud of my father for being able to be proud of his own, and others’ achievements. It also explains so much. Why, for example, so many in the swedish side of my family has never been able to just be happy for us. I could never understand why my (not so) sweet aunt disliked my mom for wearing gawdy jewellery (which btw, she doesn’t wear to show-off, but rather because she likes the style and me and my dad love her for it) or frowned when my father spoke of his travelling. But if the “jantelag” is truly such a big part of the society as it apparantly is… than it all makes sense. Somehow, this makes it easier for me to let go of some of the anger I had towards them. *ahh*
This understanding also makes me realize that I’m no better than anyone else who dismisses a person without looking at their background.
What a twist of the jantelag.
Before I leave feeling like a wizened girl I thought to bepart with the much more positiv “omvända (backward) jantelag”
1) You are amazing
2) You are worth much more than you think
3) You have knowledge
4) You are good as you are
5) You knows much others don’t
6) You have much to be proud of
7) You are adequate
You are welcome to laugh
9) Someone out there does care about you
10) You have knowledge to spread
Sweet kisses to all
One with the Herd July 30, 2008
Tags: beauty, narcissism, overweight, self-confidence, skinny, weight, weight comments
I’ve always considered myself to have an ok weight that I can be somewhat proud of. This year though, my self confidence has plummeted. If I have a choice, I’d rather not have my body exposed in any way or form. Today is good proof of that. The bear and some friends are going to the beach and there’s no way I’m coming along. The thought of having to sit half naked in front of so many people… I never used to care. Don’t know what you’ve got until you’ve lost it right? I’ve heard so many comments on people wearing the wrong clothes for their weight, or how stupid/ugly they look for being overweight that the thought of people doing that with me is petrifying.
As the bear put it, I’m a socionom, I should know better than worry about what other people say.
…But at the same time I don’t want to tell myself that it’s ok to go up in weight when all I need to do is take care of myself. As narcisstistic as it sounds, I like being pretty. And yes, for some reason my brain has swallowed the whole “skinny is beautiful”, when I before always thought self-confidence and health was where beauty was. Rather be a little too skinny than a little to chubby now. Pretty pathetic isn’t it? I’ve finally become one with the brainless mass I hated so much before moving down here.
Not asking for pity because I’ve only got myself to blame and I’m the one setting demands. I just want to ventilate, that’s what this blog is for right?
Bitter kisses to all.