Reaching For the Stars November 7, 2009

I’ve been writing and exchanging so much with my parents this week that writing in the blogg has just felt… superflous (if that word can even be used in that sense). The little notes I write in facebook has also taken over a little bit. How sad is that?

Anyway, this week has been hell. I’ve been confused, lost and irritated at life and myself. At life for having set what felt like more hinders than encouregments. At myself for not being the type that can multitask as much I’d like. In some ways it’s been necassary though. As much as it sucks, I have to learn my limits at the same time as I reach for the skies. I have to make priorities even as I find many things interesting. It’s all about balance, isn’t it? Personally I find it quite boring to view life that way, so I haven’t cut down on ll that much but at least it’s a start. At least I got my motivation back to finish up school and my parents passed the test (they always do) in not pushing me into anything. Haha. In all honesty though, they’re amazing. They keep being just enough supportive and just enough of the wise parents for me to feel like I’m still the boss over my own life without loosing my way in very dark roads.

I’m surrounded by amazing people though. My dear Bear for his amazing strength and willpower with me and amazing characteristic of always trying to be better. A for going through such hardships that would have made lesser people falter. L for having such an enormous heart. J for always being willing to try something new. The little family of three that amaze me for their inner strength and being so comfortable in their own skin. My boss for always trying to be fair without loosing face. And my parents.

And there ae so many more… E for her high energy, A for her openmindedness. The list goes on and on. This is what makes it so hard to limit myself. All of these people introduce me to a world that I want to get better acquintance with.

I have an innate feeling that I am meant to be /could be a part of something great and awesome, but I feel like my body and mind is too small for all the things I want to achieve. Quite frusterating.

Sweet kisses to all.

I Never Thought I’d Find a Hobby… July 29, 2009

No matter how many positive comments I get for my new haircut one can always count on parents to be dubious to it. They never mean anything bad by it, but I’m their baby and always will be. Heh. Well, that wasn’t the reason for the post today. Today it’s about how awesome I am!

Don’t know if I’ve written it before, but me and the Bear have made a of tradition of him buying fresh buns on his way home from his nightshift (around  5 am) and then having breakfast together before we go back to bed. Today though, I thought I’d take full use of the morning and got up, kept him company and then as he went to bed, I went training. Wasn’t sure I’d actually go ahead and do it, but I did. yay! (Aren’t I the best?) Now, I’m sitting here eating my daily morning porridge truly feeling great about myself.

Yesterday I sat all evening putting together my little cookbook/scrapbook that I had started ages ago but never actually gotten that far with, and today (if it isnt’ too expensive), I thought I’d get some some knitting stuff to bring with me to the summerhouse so I can have something to do there. Homely Maina.

Bringing me to the next subject. For once, I feel like I actually have something to do when I get to the summerhouse. Driving “lessons” with my dad, maybe some knitting, maybe a new i phone to figure out, work on one of my projects, and spend some time with my dear parents. Oh, and it’s the dear dad’s birthday while I’m there. (Although I’m not sure how good of a present the fear of crashing while letting me drive the family car is!) Of course, theory and practice are two seperate things and once with the parents I know I turn into a lazy bum, but since getting rid of the TV I’ve found myself quite enjoying the calm and just fiddling with different stuff. I’m able to relax without getting fidgety, restless and bored, which are all quite neccessary characteristics to be able to enjoy the summerhouse I’ve noticed.

I knew getting rid of the TV was a good idea.

Today though, I have a few things to take care of before working the evening shift.

- Pay a bill and set a date for my driving lessons, fix my bicycle, go to the bank, get my grades fixed, check out knitting stuff and maybe go to the library to get some knitting stuff. -

Sweet kisses to all!

Music and Growth June 23, 2009

Funny how ones taste in music can change to such extremes while growing up. 

The first stuff I listened to was bad stuff like all 4 one, mariah carey, mc hammer.

A few years later i was into hard stuff like pantera, nine inch nails, marylin manson, korn.

Now, almost 10 years later it’s mellowed and although I still like most blasts from the past, I also find myself listening to things like empire of the sun.

For so long I’ve been embarassed to share my taste of music, but here in Helsingborg I’ve found people who respect my, both good and bad, taste in music. I remember having so much respect for my mum for liking everything between tool and take that, because she just didn’t give a damn what people thought. 

…And if there’s one thing I like about the Bear it’s that he’s got that same quality, and it’s rubbed of on me, and it’s such a relief! After all, isn’t music supposed to be personal? How can it be personal if it defines an image? Personally, I think sticking within the frames of an image isnt flexible enough to keep up with the dynamics of personality.

I’d rather have a personality than an image, but that’s just me, and I’m glad to be free of my self-made frames.

Kisses to all.

The Wise, the Ignorant and the Long-Winded September 6, 2008

So it’s saturday again.

I remember a time when I felt that time passed conspicuously slow and how hard it was to accept my fathers theory of time + age = accelaration. In the mind of a 13 year old it just didn’t make much sense how time could elapse any different depending on what age one was.

Now, years later, I understand the notion of time beng elusive. What I wonder now is exactly how fast does time pass for a man nearing his 70’s when I (at 26) already feels there aren’t enough hours to the day?! Hopefully at his age I’ve learnt the art of multi-tasking.  

A man nearing his 70’s…

It’s every childs fear isn’t it? The thought of their parents mortality. My father’s much too young at heart and mind to be of that age! I truly can’t picture a world without any of them (or just one of them)… and until I name their age as such, I don’t. Ignorance is bliss.

Back to the point though, I’ve estimated that on weekdays I’ve about an hour to do with as I please. With hobbies like laying puzzles that doesn’t give me very much time for enjoyment. Especially when I have to clean up after myself to make sure the cats don’t get to them. And this without a job or extra curriculars, as I thought I’d stay away from it this year (which btw, is going to be my economical downfall).

I agree with the Bear that as a student one never gets the free time one gets with a steady job. Once the lectures are over, we have to deal with the group works, the reading up, the studying for the next exam. (Then again, being the workaholic I am, I’ll probably find a way to make sure work takes over more aspects of my life tin the future as well.) I guess I just have to learn to find the time, just like one does with the training.

As you can probably tell, I’ve never learnt the art of cramming every activity between heaven an hell into the 24 hours we have each day like some people have the ability of doing. They’re either heavy-dosage drug users or they’re such social butterflies that they enjoy the thought of doing things, constantly, with others. For me, I need to be doing things, constantly, but only about 25% of it with others. None the less, I’ve always been jealous of these talented little artísts of life, but I guess it’s a part of who one is, what one’s comfortable with. In the end, I really enjoy the feeling of me-time. It’s the time of day I get to “varva ner” as they say in swedish, and not loose myself in the kaos of being liked by other, of being fun, enjoyable and spunky. (But then again, during about two months of the year I need people so I don’t loose myself in the kaos of not liking myself, of paranoia, angst, and depression. So I’m not completely autonomous.

Sweet kisses to all and I leave you this rainy Saturday with this photo to put a smile on your faces.

I swear we didn’t place him there!

I Survived to Live Yet Another Year! May 24, 2008

So, this wonderfully sunny and warm day I am no longer as we swedes call it, an “ungdom”, no more special prices because I’m no longer a youth. From now on I’m considered a grown up. (!!) Funny how one day can have that effect!

Yes, today’s my birthday. I’m spent the last few days cleaning, fixing indian snacks I’ve never done in my life (bugging my mom to death with my cooking questions in all times of the day) and basically looking forward to meeting up with friends to celebrate that I’m getting older (shocker!). Heh. Well, it’s all wrapping up today and hopefully there’s a lot people coming by to celebrate with the little princess (me)! Should be fun to see how people are dressing up for the colourful/indian theme I’ve got going on for tonight!

Happy Birthday to me! … and kisses to all!

Back to the Future May 6, 2008

Wow, what a(n extended) weekend it’s been! 

My parents finally come by on wed last week and 5 minutes after they left us an old friend rendevouz’d to helsingborg on his way up to Stockholm (the guy hasn’t met me since my emo years 8 years ago!). We acted like kids in a minor “theme park” that popped out of nowhere, enjoyed the sun, learned how to fly a cool-ass fucking kite and ended it with beer-testing beers extending from 100-something kronor scottish beer to the cheap 30-something swedish beers. Heh, good times. To say we were plastered as we stumbled on home is an understatement!

Before they could truly get over their hangover we waved them off in the buss station in anticipation of their original next stop: Stockholm. Don’t know if I would’ve managed them sleeping over another night! Hope they found some fun up there as well none the less. 

The next day, today, it was off to work at 4.30am and just then just enjoying some relax time!

Hope many more of these days will come in the future! Both me and the bear had such a good time that yes, we’d both love to come to san fransisco some day. Just have to find the money and the time.

None the less, tomorrow I have huge pile of clothes to wash and an essay to re-write. Looking forward to it!

Sweet kisses to all!

Little Joys and Huge Disappointments April 26, 2008

…and tomorrow my dear mother returns as well. *yay*

Really looking forward to meeting the two of them next week!

On a more boring note I got my last exam back and I failed it. I guess there’s always a first. The worst part though, is that I have no idea how I should have answered it to get a passing grade. Quite frustrating.

I’ve also gained so much weight lately that I’ve surpassed the maximum weight I’ve told myself that I should never reach, as well as started smoking again.

All my motivation lately: gone.

I really have to change these nasty new (old) habits I’ve picked up (again). I’ve had enough. Just don’t anyone lecture me or give me a morality speech please!! They don’t help *grumble*

On a happy note, I got my first double pay check! Money!!!! It’s nice to have a little to play with again! *muahaha*

Finally, the spex is over! …I was hoping to put up a few pictures for everyone to enjoy but it seems the spexpage is down again so i can’t upload any pictures.

Until next time…
Sweet kisses to all!

Toys and Joys! April 8, 2008

Yay, my dad’s in town!

…Well, in the same country as me anyway, which is all the same to me since that’s a few miles closer to home than usually anyway. So now all I have to do is wait for my mom to do the same so I can get a visit from them! *hint to the parents here!*

Well, onto some more x-rated topics me and F had a wonderfull evening a few nights ago. hehe. Girls night at the villa! Lots of toys for girls for once! The pictures are kinda fuzzy cuz little maina was a little drunk but you get the idea. *wink* I felt like a virgin all over again seeing what kind of kinky toys were available! LoL.

After that, it was off to a party at a friends friend place and an early night in because someone got a little bi too drunk. Heh. But that’s ok, it was all good and I realized that I have to crash some more parties a little more often, cuz it’s hard not having a good time with so many strange unknown people around oneself. So many to talk to!

And finally, tickets are being sold for the spex now! Anyone who’s anyone got to come. (I’ll be sitting on the second floor at school selling tickets next tuesday if anyone’s interested!)

Alright, enough “commercializing” as a friend calls it, and I’m off!

Sweet kisses to all!

Little People on Acid February 22, 2008

So, I didn’t get the job, which was very disappointing. But I’ve got an interview with another company next week. Let’s hope for the best shall we? To be quite honest not much has happened lately, thus the lack of blogging. Schools good, I like to believe that its a little warmer now a days, and I am, as usual, panicking way too early about an event I may or may not celebrate in two whole months… yes, my birthday. I am, after all, the master of paranoia and panic.

*breath*

Oh, and I just found out that one of my dearest friends in my hometown has gotten herself pregnant! The most hilarious part about this little situation is that because the pregnancy was planned from her side, she and her beloved are ecstatic. Me, on the other side, am on the verge of panic! Why? I can barely get used to the idea of taking care of a cat (which, btw, we’ve decided against getting now), let alone a little mini version of me!

*pause for panic*

How can she be ready when I’m so far away from that point myself? Oh, and I have no doubt that my friend is as ready as one can be, because truly, what more can anyone ask for other than a loving parent who wants to welcome this little thing into the world? This wonderful girl in my hometown is like an extension of me, so in some ways… I guess it feels closer to home some how. The fact that, this dear friend’s twin sister is also pregnant and another amazing friend of mine has a 3(?) year old kid and 3 girls in my class are pregnant doesn’t help my sense of that I should be ready for something I’m really not. (And please people, asking when I’m gonna get a kid is not funny, it’s quite scary actually. Heh.

Oh, I don’t know. A, I love you, and I wish you all the best… and you know I’m gonna love that new mini smurf like I love you right? …even if I won’t be all cute with it (him/her). Hats off for being more mature than me and all the best to the future family! *skål* Maybe I’ll get some practice with that future short stuff.

Sweet kisses to all the brave parents of the world!

Beautiful Me and Beautiful You December 22, 2007

 

What do you think? Too bad this bloggsite for some reason distorts the photos making them quite bland and pale. None the less you get to see the truly girlyicious days I’ve had with my future make-up artist for a friend, Jenny. The two upper photos is taken by myself just to have something for show from a week ago (It’s the Lime and Dessert look for those of you who are wondering). The bottom one though, is from today for Jenny’s “book” so to say. Jenny, is of course is the make-up artist yet again, but the photographer this time, is my darling bear and personally, I think I look damned good! Haha, so the two of them did a good job. 

Hope J’s happy with her, re-touched, photos none the less, her teacher’s gonna be the one to take a look and make comments on it.

Ah well, ‘nough said about me. (yea right, my blogg!)

I’m learning to be a little more self-less this winter, which is probably a very good christmas-y thing to learn. The reason for me saying this is I managed to spend a half day shopping for christmas presents without getting anything for myself. Not on purpose mind you, but once at home it felt kinda nice having gotten for others rather than myself. I’ll admit though that I’m going shopping tomorrow to get myself all that wonderful stuff i didn’t get the chance to get last time. hehe But atleast I’m learning!!

Alright, before I write too much I have to wish all you wonderful people out there a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year just in case I don’t get the chance to write until next year!

Hugs! …and sweet kisses to all!

p.s. Pappa, tell mamma I’ve got some pictures she might like.